I swear I have a stressing disorder of some type. I STILL haven't finished that charcoal drawing that's due Friday. I'm in desperate need of pictures for two yearbook spreads, because d3's deadline is Monday and I know at least one spread won't be finished... I REALLY hate having scoliosis. It's seriously the most contributing factor to any pain I'm in. It's not fair, some people have scoliosis at almost 30degrees but the curve isn't in a bad spot and it doesn't effect them. Mine curves straight into my shoulder pain and hip bone. So it's like my lower back and shoulder are constantly yelling at me. OH- and I hate cold weather. I can't dress cute, and I feel like dying every time I walk outside. Cold weather almost promises me getting sick. I out grew asthma when I was little, but I still get symptoms and it can be really scary. Tonight I went to go take a shower and I got this kick right in my lungs. I couldn't take deep breathes or anything for like 7/8 minutes. I basically hunched over my stomach on the ground and took short quick breathes through my nose and tried to 'work it out.' It's one of those in the moment- type of things. Ugh.
Wow, that's all SO lame... I could've added so much more, but I won't. Ha
On the up side!
I'm doing really good in all of my classes now and If I can just get through this week, next week should be a breeze! I still have to get 'Secret Santa' and regular gifts for people. I'm SO excited for Christmas! ..I would really, really, REALLY love to go to Lights at the Zoo this weekend too! So yeah, anybody?! I have a WHOLE lot of thinking to do, and I hate how things might change for me and some people soon. Why can't things just be 'normal' for one week....?
I don't think I've ever been this serious about thinking through something before. Not a boy, or something materialistic. ..My life. I've seriously been considering early graduation, by a whole year. I've looked forward to being a senior of '13 forever, but I honestly just want to get out. I might go into details later, but if anyone has aaaany words of wisdom- pleaaaaase share. :/
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A name was mentioned tonight that I haven't heard in a LONG time, it was sad. Because I miss that person, and even though he's watching down on everyone right now, it's just weird to think that I can't just see this person any more. ..still, I mean it's gotten easier. It's almost been 2 years, which is insane and almost unbelievable. Gosh, it still gives me goosebumps.
To everyone out there- please be smart, make smart choices. I'm not saying don't have fun, but I seriously couldn't imagine losing anyone else. It's not easy, and almost every situation is preventable. I'm at the point now where losing people I depend on is something that happens quite frequently. But there's a difference from losing someone and having someone taken from you....
So, I've been thinking about this whole being happy thing, and I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy; we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent. It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness more often.
-One Tree Hill
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