She knows better.

"She's not like that now. She knows better . She knows now that people lie , and promises can be broken as quick as they are made . She understands that she might never be loved , and too quickly good things fly in front of your eyes before you can reach out and grab them . She knows that you can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. There isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if you're standing alone for awhile, that's why. Not everything in life comes easy , but when you work the hardest, that's when it's the best . You can't always expect people to care, and even when your best friends stab you in the front, don't think for one minute that they didn't already aim for your back. They missed for a reason. She has found out to soon, that in the end, you are your own best friend . Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not , its gonna hurt like hell . But you can't stop it. You can't change your fate. Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through will end up resulting in something huge . You don't know what it is and when it happens, it will hit you like a ton of bricks. At some point, when you have experienced everything you can, the words 'Life' and 'Risk' won't mean anything to you anymore. But don't try and change that. Stuff like that is meant to happen. Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on you . And that happens because that's the way it supposed to be . But you'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. But it might catch you off guard and happen sooner."

"you believe easily that which you hope for earnestly."

I'm sick on the first full day of break. yaaaaayz!

My poor little sister has thrown up like three times today. It's really sad, she wants her mom. But my mom's at work, so I kind of have to step in and play mommy for the day. I don't really have a lot to blog about, besides this whole being sick thing everything is going wonderful! I'm driving up to Georgetown on Monday and having an early Christmas with my mom's side of the family. I'm really excited, I haven't really made a whole lot of plans for the break yet. I'm taking everything one day at a time.

PS- Happy Biiiiirthday to Mr. Zackary Neallll!

but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... -American Beauty

I STILL have not been to Lights at the Zoo. :|

The years go by. The time, it does fly. Every single second is a moment in time that passes oh so quick and it seems like nothing. But when you’re looking back … well, it amounts to everything. -Ray Bradburry, Catch 22

Christmas was always so fun back when everything seemed magical. Thank God for Emma, she allows me to still see Christmas in the eyes of a four-year-old. ♥

We're growing up, we're really growing up. It's crazy, I couldn't stand the thought of losing friends last year at graduation. It's only going to get worse with each graduating class though. It's so sad, honestly. Yeah, I want to grow up. Yeah, I want to get out of Lugoff. But I've lived my whole life for tomorrow, for the future, for the next step. It's like where I've been has never been good enough. Just when everything is going good, something happens. I think right now, at this moment, is probably the most content I've been throughout 2010. I mean there's about 15 days left until 2011. November and December have flown by, this whole year has flown by. Tomorrow is a half day, and then it's officially Christmas Break. First semester is almost over! I'm kind of scared for next semester, it should be pretty hard compared to this semester. I'm excited about having new classes with new people though! I'm really going to miss yearbook and art though. It's weird, I went into my algebra two class and art one class thinking I'd be miserable all semester and yet, I've made a new group of friends thanks to Algebra and Art- oh my gosh, I was so scared. That class has honestly kicked my butt all semester. It hasn't been easy, but Riches told me from the start that I'd be fine. He was right. I even got recommended for art two. Yearbook was just as stressful as everyone promised. Fortunately, we have a really close staff, and going in there every day to every body just made every deadline that much easier.

I don't think I have plans for lunch tomorrow because I think Courtney is staying with Lindsey, therefore, I need plans. All Saturday will probably be dedicated to this wrestling tournament, yay.... and then Monday I'm leaving to spend a couple of days in Georgetown for an early Christmas!

He said something that didn't mean as much then as it does now. He told me that things happen in life that you can't stop, but it wasn't a reason to shut out the world. I realize that I have been so afraid of the bad things that I missed out on the good, you know? I didn't want to come back here, but I'm really glad that I did. I have forgotten how much it helped to have you guys as friends ... really lucky to have this place and each other. There's a part of me that would like to stay here forever. ~ Now and Then

"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand."

"Remember that when life knocks you down to your knees you are in the perfect position to pray."

I had a good day, no nonsense will be coming from my mouth today.

I'm just a raggedy ann girl living in this barbie doll world.

My Monday was pretty great. I can't believe how fast the semester has flown by. Yearbook is stressing me out though. Messy did get a pretty sweet recognition today from some lady who judges books nationally. "the saga of traveling yearbooks." okay! Art will be the death of me, yet I'm taking Art 2 next year. My room is all out of Feng shui because it's full of art projects and clothes. I need to dye my hair, and make sure my grades are still up to par. I haven't been able to fall asleep early lately and it's messing me up in the morning. I'm relying more and more on coffee in the morning... Not good!

For the record, I don't NEED a boy to make me happy. I think that's ridiculous to hear people say that they need someone else for a reason that's absurd. You determine whether you're happy or not and in the end not many people if any are going to be able to say they've been there for you for an extended period of time. I can either be really emotional or the absolute opposite. Normally I'm pretty emotional unless I know it's going to directly effect some one else. I'll cry in front of anybody and I can be really vulnerable to letting other people control me. I hate that! I'm one of those people that can hold conversations with old people in check out lines and honestly enjoy them-self. I'm a peoples' person, I care about people too much and that's what sets me up for failure so much. I can't stand seeing people making stupid, stubborn decisions. But you have to respect them and let them make their own decisions and pray that one day they'll come to terms.

She's beautiful in her simple little way
She don't have too much to say when she gets mad
She understands she don't let go of anything
Even when the pain gets really bad

"you gotta cry before you sing."

I'm not sure when the last time I posted a blog was, but it's been a couple of days...

Overall things have been going SO good. School's been going slow, but it's always like that after Thanksgiving. I don't know what it's been lately, but I've met a lot of new people. My phone's been going off non-stop and I've surrounded myself with so many people. I think that's what I needed though. Distractions. My family seems a lot more cheesy and lame this time of year, but it's cute. Emma depends on me for so much and I've honestly been trying to enjoy all this time I've had with her. She's not going to be little forever, I already miss the days when she was just learning to walk. She starts Kindergarten next August. Crazy right?! Apparently everybody from Lugoff and their cousin got accepted to USC this weekend. I'm pretty jealous, but so-so happy for everybody! Congrats! I went to church this morning and saw... Mrs. White. Who woulda' thunk it- Mrs. White has been going to my church as long as I have and yet- I never see the lady. ..Just my luck! My Papa came down from Georgetown to take my brother and myself Christmas shopping. I'm probably more excited about Christmas this year then I have ever been! December 12th has held a bit of secret significance to me. Now that it's here though, it's funny. A month ago at this very moment I was watching Lugoff-Elgin play Ashley Ridge. If you had asked me where I'd be right now I sure wouldn't have told you I had already been through a relationship, many fights, drama, tears, more tears, and lying. Then again, I wouldn't have been able to tell you that I've gotten A LOT closer to certain people and mended old friendships and been completely satisfied with where I stood in school and life in general. I never would have told you I'd been stalked my a 19-year-old pedophile who should go to prison. I never would've told you that I've been able to see more family in a month then I normally see in a year. It's honestly so crazy how fast things can change.

If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it

5 days until Christmas Break! ♥

The Prayer - Kid Cudi

Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.

"Three things in life should never be broken: toys, promises and hearts."

I need a moment to vent- so skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear my crap I guess.

I swear I have a stressing disorder of some type. I STILL haven't finished that charcoal drawing that's due Friday. I'm in desperate need of pictures for two yearbook spreads, because d3's deadline is Monday and I know at least one spread won't be finished... I REALLY hate having scoliosis. It's seriously the most contributing factor to any pain I'm in. It's not fair, some people have scoliosis at almost 30degrees but the curve isn't in a bad spot and it doesn't effect them. Mine curves straight into my shoulder pain and hip bone. So it's like my lower back and shoulder are constantly yelling at me. OH- and I hate cold weather. I can't dress cute, and I feel like dying every time I walk outside. Cold weather almost promises me getting sick. I out grew asthma when I was little, but I still get symptoms and it can be really scary. Tonight I went to go take a shower and I got this kick right in my lungs. I couldn't take deep breathes or anything for like 7/8 minutes. I basically hunched over my stomach on the ground and took short quick breathes through my nose and tried to 'work it out.' It's one of those in the moment- type of things. Ugh.

Wow, that's all SO lame... I could've added so much more, but I won't. Ha

On the up side!

I'm doing really good in all of my classes now and If I can just get through this week, next week should be a breeze! I still have to get 'Secret Santa' and regular gifts for people. I'm SO excited for Christmas! ..I would really, really, REALLY love to go to Lights at the Zoo this weekend too! So yeah, anybody?! I have a WHOLE lot of thinking to do, and I hate how things might change for me and some people soon. Why can't things just be 'normal' for one week....?

I don't think I've ever been this serious about thinking through something before. Not a boy, or something materialistic. ..My life. I've seriously been considering early graduation, by a whole year. I've looked forward to being a senior of '13 forever, but I honestly just want to get out. I might go into details later, but if anyone has aaaany words of wisdom- pleaaaaase share. :/

-

A name was mentioned tonight that I haven't heard in a LONG time, it was sad. Because I miss that person, and even though he's watching down on everyone right now, it's just weird to think that I can't just see this person any more. ..still, I mean it's gotten easier. It's almost been 2 years, which is insane and almost unbelievable. Gosh, it still gives me goosebumps.

To everyone out there- please be smart, make smart choices. I'm not saying don't have fun, but I seriously couldn't imagine losing anyone else. It's not easy, and almost every situation is preventable. I'm at the point now where losing people I depend on is something that happens quite frequently. But there's a difference from losing someone and having someone taken from you....

So, I've been thinking about this whole being happy thing, and I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy; we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent. It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness more often.
-One Tree Hill

The lower your self-esteem is, the more likely you are to believe that someone else holds the key to your happiness.

hope.

"you held your head like a hero."

I am not a word, I am not a line

I am not a girl that can ever be defined

I am not fly, I am levitation

I represent an entire generation

I hear the criticism loud and clear

That is how I know that the time is near

So we become alive in a time of fear

Nikki Minaj featuring Rihanna - Fly

I had a pretty ballin' Friday night, no lie. School went pretty great, as it has been going all week. I'm pretty sure I made a 100 on an Algebra test we took earlier this week and I made this graph thing in there today that spelled out "HOPE." It was pretty precious and held a lot of meaning. Then Yearbook and Art flew by and it was time for the weekend! Score! Tonight just added to all the greatness. I went to the game with Case and Kayley. Hahahah. Rides with them are always fun! I got to see just about everyone I could've imagined tonight and then some. Lady Demons won like 54-45...? and then THE Demons won 69-60. Camden and Lugoff did SO good though. They took it into overtime, but after that it was just Lugoff's game. Good game everybody! I got home later then I planned, my room is a mess, and my mom's at work... but oh well! The only bad part of today would have to be looking like a hippie and wearing jeans that turned me into Neytiri from Avatar.... Currently I just finished watching another Christmas movie and now The Office. Ah!

“Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?” - Bob Marley

In the past I've put myself with the wrong 'group' of people. It's been the cause of some bad things for me too. In the past few days though I've realized that's changed though. I'm not as close to some people as I use to be and I miss that. But I've become so much more of a positive, 'bubbly' person. I was talking to someone and said something about being scared to meet somebody new because I didn't want the wrong impression to come off and they told me that they have yet to see someone meet me and not like who I am. I'm not sure what that says about myself or the type of person I come off as, but I don't try to win people's approval as much as I should. But then again I love knowing that I'm 'liked' and that I can be completely comfortable with where I am.

Here's my shout outs for the night:

-Kayley Miles, Two nights in a row we've almost died in Case's car, but hey! We're still here!

-Case Horton, You scare me and your house looks so pretty during Christmas! haa

-Justin Gilstrap, Whiplash. Enough said.

-Isabel Olano, I've seen you twice in ONE week. Yaaaayz!

-Lindsey Marshall, We waste so much time in first block. haa

-Jennifer Stokes, I love our conversations!

14 more days until break!

22 more days until Christmas!

It's like you hear a song on the radio, but you've just gotta see what else is playing before you decide you actually want to listen to that song. What happens if a great song comes on and you missed it though, so you flip back, but all you get is the news and then you went from something to nothing.

Psalms 16: 8

- I wish I could say I'm completely true to this.

"And I wouldn't change a thing"

I'd walk right back through the rain

Last night/ today- it was all pretty grand! I love December. I can tell already it's going to be a cold winter, but that means snow! So that's alright! I really need to get completely on top of my grades, I could come off this semester with all a's. Gosh, that'd be nice. I'm SO ready for Christmas break though. I'm tired of waking up so early and stressing over stupid things. I was in the mood to bum it out, but yet- be productive..? It was weird- I somewhat paid attention in History, paid attention in Algebra, helped Anna in Yearbook, and got a lot done on my charcoal drawing in Art. Exciting yeah? Then after school I stayed with Lindsey and other j1's in yearbook and worked on my spread. All night long I feel like I've had these 'deep talks' with people all day long. I really have a lot of people to thank for the past week, but I'm not making all of that viral just yet. Change is always my blog topic, just like everyone else. But there's always a reason behind it. I really just hope that through all of this change, and crazyness going on through high school, I just hope I find myself.. If that makes any sense...

It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by
God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding
What I never thought I'd find

Here- Rascal Flatts

Oh my gosh, I just realized my eleven-year-old brother has the mouth of a sailor.. BOO.

PS- 25 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

"she's a go"

I've had so much on my mind the past two days. It hasn't been bad. I just stress over silly stuff. Overall I'm happy though and I shouldn't complain.

Powderpuff was last night. Kait Copeland did a pretty amazing job with everything, and big shout out to Amanda Burr and Savannah Corder they pretty much kicked ass out there. Seniors had that won before it even started though, but that was expected. So no offense juniors!

I looked a straight mess today, but yeah- I had two tests that I didn't exactly "study" for so I had better things to focus on. I didn't feel like doing much and I have an entire charcoal self portrait I need to finish. >.<>

I'm definitely bumming it up tomorrow though. It's not a weekly thing for me, like, I never want to get dressed for school and I don't "dress to impress" but I honestly never just "bum out." Well hey, might as well start on hump daaaaay!

To add on to this random blog, I really really really want to go to Lights before Christmas again this year. I love it! Soooo- hint, hint! (:

Gah, my blog's aren't always this random and stupid.... I guess I just got lucky. haa

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Ps- I'm pretty excited about MTV bringing "Skins" on to their lineup in January. It's apparently about a bunch of teens who live in Britain and go to Junior college. They party, drink, have sex, live life, fight, breakup, fall in love, fall in lust. Sounds kinda' like high school for us American kids... Right?!

"boy you missed the boat, it just sailed away. long gone, she's not drowning in her yesterdays."

Reasons I can't get enough of Christmas:

• shopping
• no school!
• family
• friends
• sleeping in
• going to Sandhills and seeing their Christmas decorations
• Starbucks 'red cup' edition holiday coffee
• football
• dressing up
• cute scarves!
• Christmas cards
• holiday music
• LIGHTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT THE ZOO
• surprises
• hoodies
• Lugoff/Camden/Boykin parades!
• New Years
• New Years resolutions
• fireworks
• bringing in the new year with a kiss
• food!
• snow
• all of the christmas lights
• setting up the tree
• remembering old christmas stories
• ABC Family's "25 days of Christmas"
• all of the sales
• going up to Georgetown
• wearing boots
• church services on Christmas morning
• remembering how I use to make a plan with Meagan on Christmas Eve to sneak out and see my presents
• seeing Emma get so excited
• more shopping!

Life is always SO good this time of year. I don't know what it is, I just always get into the holiday spirit. I'm so blessed and thankful right now. My family is such a mess, I love them. My friends have really shown their true colors and been there for me especially recently. My grades and school in general is going pretty great too. If I could only fix one thing, then I honestly would not hesitate to say that life is going about as close to perfect as it'll ever get.

PS- ROLL TIDE ROLL. They definitely just had a pretty good drive and turned it into a td! 7-0! I really don't like $cam Newton.... I dislike him more than I dislike Nick Saban! :X ..I never thought I'd say that. I can't wait for Carolina to murder Auburn in EIGHT DAYS.

This is cute......

"Randomly she bites her lip, hiding the picture in her mind. Randomly she smiles, she remembers every word you said that night."

...This is so much harder then it looks.

"Its always so much easier to believe what you need than what you know"

Don't let anyone make you feel incompetent. When you look in that mirror I hope you see this strong, faithful person. What you think of yourself is more important then what anyone else could ever think. Listen to heart, but be SMART. Realize you have people who love you, and people who want to see you happy. Give second chances, just never regret your experiences. They build the person who will one day laugh at the decisions they made. Change is inevitable and the only thing you can do is try to make the best of it.

I cannot wait for college- end of story.

"You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow"

"not many things we gotta' do, or places we gotta' be."

There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard, No song that I could sing But I can try for your heart, Our dreams, and they are made out of real things, Like a shoebox of photographs, With sepiatone loving, Love is the answer At least for most of the questions in my heart , Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard? It's not always easy, And sometimes life can be deceiving, I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together 

..Rough day, but I'll be okay. 

I'm sorry, I can't "open up."

I'm sorry, I can't "trust easily."

I'm sorry, I can't "forgive and forget."

I'm sorry, I'm "scared."

"I'll see you soon then."

There's something about the movie Dear John, and no- I'm not talking about just looking at the sexy Channing Tatum for 2+ hours...

There's so much cause and effect in that movie. I've only seen 8230492027 times now and it's like every time I watch it, I take something new from it. I think it proves a lot. The movie is based around change and time. People always look at the negative of what someone has done in their past. Rumors get started, accusations are made, and consequences are resulted. Well... I don't care about your past. I don't care who hates you. I don't care about what you regret. I care about who you are now. Who you want to become and who you want to meet. Change happens over time. It never stops and never slows down. They counteract with each other. They wouldn't be possible without each other. I'm not who I was a year ago, so the least I can do is trust someone if they tell me the same. Okay, so there's no proof of change? Trust without proof is faith. ...and I have a lot of faith, in a lot of people. I'm not too worried about that either, because in the end it's all going to work out anyways- Right?

"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."
— Nicholas Sparks (Dear John)

"the stars are fading out, my dreams are fading now."

It's only November and I'm already stressing about what classes to take next year. Someone PLEASE tell me how I am supposed to fit all of these core classes, Yearbook, Spanish, Art 2, ATEC, and Central into my schedule for the next two years?! Ugh- Even though ATEC would look so great, I think I am going to drop that and take my Spanish and History classes online. At the beginning of freshmen year last year, someone who was like a best friend told me to work my butt off all through out high school and my senior year would be the easiest thing ever. Well, he also told me he wouldn't forget me even if he'd be attending Anderson University this year.... Well, Ward Yount- where are you? I miss you.

I wish club volleyball would hurry up and get here. We don't even start till December and I can already tell I'm getting lazy and we already owe like $400, haa. The best thing about it though? It gives me a chance to get away from everything. I'm honestly kind of nervous, being on a team with a bunch of people I don't know... At least I have Lindsey, looks like we're going to have lots of bonding time this season!

I don't like my mom being gone so much now, I understand why she is doing what she's doing, but eventually it's going to effect her 4-year-old daughter. It already has. It effects me. It's hard to play mommy at night and give Emma-Claire baths, feed her, get her ready for school, put her to bed and on top of all of that doing what I have to do for school and etcetera. I'm trying, but I'm at my breaking point. My grades are good, thank god- but I can't keep doing all of this and not try to act like things aren't changing and I'm not a teenager with my own problems. Honestly right now, I want to be so selfish. I want to enjoy every ounce of my weekend, forget about school, and just go be with my boyfriend who probably thinks I neglect him because of everything that's going on. I'm SO thankful for everyone who sticks by my side; the people who watch me freak out when I make mistakes on sketches, the people who watch me stress over deadlines, the family that is always trying to be there and support me, the teammates who wouldn't let me give up volleyball, the boyfriend who does all the little things, the little sister who is my every ounce of motivation.

Time is going by so fast, I wish I could freeze it and actually enjoy it.

I long for your embrace
Every single day
To meet you in this place
And see you face to face

- Here With Me

"i'm just out to find the better part of me."

"I'm confident, but I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you."

I've come to the conclusion that no one is going to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself. If you don't believe in what you're doing, in your goals, in the prize... Then how do you expect someone else to believe it? I've been doing a lot better at putting my focus toward all the right things lately. I'm staying out of drama, and doing what's right for me. Why should that make me feel selfish? It shouldn't, but it does. My personality just doesn't fit that category. I read on another blog about reasons why you shouldn't have just one 'best' friend. .. I completely agree, I've always agreed with that. Getting hurt by a best friend is much worse then getting hurt by some boy. So why would you sit there and tell one 'best' friend every dirty, uncensored secret about yourself? Secrets are stories; over time we gain them and even forget some. If you spend a year telling one person every story then what makes it your story anymore. Some things are better left unsaid. We're all in high school, and we're all changing. We're not changing in the same ways either- we're changing to eventually better ourselves. I have a lot of stories or secrets. If I choose to tell you then there's a reason as to why I'm telling you. I'm such a cry baby and some days all it takes is thinking about a text or thinking about a certain phone call and all of a sudden I'm a different person. We all have masks. We talked about this in art today. I know I have masks; 4 different masks for 4 different classes, the one during softball, the one during volleyball, the masks I put on around my friends, the masks I put on around my boyfriend, the masks I out on for my family, for Sundays, for meeting new people, for Facebook, for this blog. It's all these different masks that make us all unique and different though. So no matter how 'best' your 'best friend' is, unless she or he literally follows your every footstep you won't have the same masks which in effect means you won't have the same personality, or make the same changes in life. I've decided I'm not going to keep posting everyday, and I'm not going to try and preach in every post about something religious. Who am I to be qualified enough to tell you how good you God is? I still need plenty of work and until then I just feel guilty for trying to act like I'm a saint.

I can say this though...

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30).

"no more lonely, and no more night. no more secrets to hide."

I could have not asked for a more amazing weekend.

Friday night- Well Tripp and I became 'official.' Football lost, but that's okay. Lugoff had an amazing season and they proved so many people wrong, including myself. Plus, Ashley Ridge is going to get cut up next week by Northwestern!

Saturday- I got my Midlands team stuff, went to Florence with my mom and brother, met up with my papa and cousin. My papa and I saw Unstoppable (which was amaaazing!), then went on a verrry much needed shopping trip!, had Chick-fil-a, watched Carolina KILL Florida and become SEC-E champsssss!

Sunday- Well, I woke up surrounded by 16 balloons, mother made breakfast burritos! Then I watched Grown Ups with the family, went shopping with Mom, got new make-up and alla' dat good stuff. I also got surprised by Emily Benko- with a cute cake! I've gotten oven 200+ wall posts, and a whole lot of calls and texts. All of which I appreciate so, so, SO much!

I'm just sixteen, but so many people have asked me if I feel any different. Well, I want to feel different. My life is changing so much right now- I'm another year older, I've quit softball, I now play for a volleyball club I use to swear I'd never play for, I've got a boyfriend who I adore, I might be getting a job, my mom might be getting a new job, my best friend who I've lost touch with this past school year moves to ohio in sixty-one days...

Right now it seems minutes are taking days to pass, but days are passing like minutes. I want to take advantage of the time I have- focusing on relationships from family to friends to God. I take things/people for granted and I've realized that has to stop! Someone asked me tonight how old I was, they had no clue. They say I act really mature for my age and I was way to awesome to just be sixteen. But it's completely possible. Sometimes I want to just be immature, be stupid, be ignorant. I can't though, I've had to grow up. There's a little girl out there who looks up to me in every way possible. She's my entire world and every decision I make, I base around her. The thought of being a bad example to her breaks my heart. I stress out too much, I worry too much, I care too much. I'm about as far from perfect as it gets.

I know that wasn't very birthday related, but honestly. I like attention, but I don't crave it and I definitely don't crave to be the center of attention. A day dedicated to me just seems selfish..? Anyways- I'm SO thankful for everyone and anyone who helped make my birthday as amazing as it was!

A majority of my lyrics probably come from Matt Kearney if you haven't noticed. He's by far one of my favorite artists.

'Cause I would take a bullet for you
I would take a bullet for you
I would cross any line, I'd swim across the sea
I would take a bullet for you
I would take a bullet for you
I would lose it all, I'd take my fall
To show you it's for real

"Take me I'm yours, and I won't have it any other way."

Big ups to all you demon football players, y'all had a pretty incredible season. You won all the important games and proved so much to so many people. It was seasons like this that the 'Lu' will be talking about for a pretty long time. We all know Ashley Ridge has another thing coming next week against Northwestern!

Overall I had a pretty good day, even though everything took FOREVER. After school was fun as always, time with Tripp, rides and talks with Lindsey, McDonalds smoothies, then the football game. Our student section was probably the most fun thing I've been apart of this school year yet. Our boys pretty much had it up until the last minute. It was pretty sad, but hey- it happens. Lugoff had a better season then anyone predicted.

My birthday is in TWO days and a bigggg thanks to Evans for letting all of Lugoff-Elgin know tonight via the announcing system thing.

"Look in my eyes. if you think that I'll let you go... you're out of your mind."

"I've learned it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it."

I don't have a specific song for today, but anything by Switchfoot just sounds good right about now!

Well- I don't have a whole lot to say. My family is really aggravating tonight, but I had a good day. 100 on my art test- woot, woot! I started on my second d2 spread, sat through a Veteran's Day thing- which wasn't all that bad, and got to see Tripp a whole bunch! Now I'm home and writing this... (:

Oh- haa, here we go... I appreciate everyone who cares about me in some way, shape of form, like, honestly, I appreciate it so much. I have to think on my own though, I have to make my own decisions and my own mistakes. I have to pray, and I have to learn. I'll listen to anybody and if you have to tell me something there are very good chances I'll listen and take your advice. This doesn't exactly apply though if you send it anonymously through Facebook. I have respect for a lot of people and I'm careful about my decisions and listen to my head and my heart. Truth is, if I believe in something or someone- I'm going to follow through and back them up 100%. Regardless of the consequences.

"You have to find something. Something that anchors you, something that keeps you looking forward. Even on the bad days, the days when you’re tempted to look back."

-

I don't want to post about my day, I don't know why- I just don't.

Yesterday and Today were good. Some stuff happened after school today, but in the end I have a lot of respect for certain people know..

ANYWAYS!

-4 days until my birthday

-9 days until harry potter

-44 days until christmas

get excited?!

"So dim that spotlight, tell me things like I can't take my eyes off of you" -t swift

Give Me Words to Speak - Aaron Shust

First off I want to say that I love, love, love when people come up to me and tell me that they read my blog every day. It's not that I'm a good writer, I know I'm not. I'm into the whole design thing, not writing... It's just kind of neat to know that people do listen- well, read what I have to say.

Today was good, I love being organized and up to date with my classes. The highlight of my day was probably when Jim from Walsworth bought us doughnuts in yearbook, yaaaay! haha

Volleyball banquet at Camden First Baptist tonight, Midlands tryouts tomorrow.

I'm soooo ready to be playing in tournaments again. Club volleyball is my favorite thing in the world.

I honestly cannot complain about today.

“But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.””- Joshua 24.1

^^sounds like a good deal to me.

_

10:52; My mom got some really good news today after the banquet. The banquet itself wasn't that great, but I sure will miss my seniors. I can't wait for club. I also have a lot of respect for the Ham's, they're an amazing family of Christians. It seems like everything is falling into place, now if only you would hurry up.

xoxo,

cb!

"Cause baby you’re a firework come on show ‘em what you’re worth."

What If - Jason Derulo

I'm not sure what to talk about. I wish I could write about important life lessons and things to focus on and what you should be doing with your life, but I can't. Truth is I'm still learning life lessons, trying to figure out what to focus on and what I need to do with my life. I turn 16 in one week, that's crazy. Where has the time gone? I feel like just yesterday I was laying in bed with Meagan Owens talking about our crushes on the cute 6th graders and how we couldn't wait to be fifth graders, then middle schools and one day.. high schoolers! ..High school is not what it's all cracked up to be. It seems to mean everything but education. I couldn't wait to be 'grown up;' to drive, have a cell phone, have a Myspace (now Facebook), have a boyfriend, go out on my own. Now-a-days all I look forward to is graduating and moving out on my own. Gosh, there's a big difference between wanting a phone and wanting a place of your own...

I guess that's what happens. I miss being little, being innocent, being naive, getting hurt by swing sets- not boys.

I do have some good or bad news- depends on how I'm friends with you... I am officially playing SC Midlands volleyball at the Plex this year! I can already tell I'm gaining weight from getting lazy, haha. I'm REALLY excited, except I'm trying not to show just how excited I am about it. Playing Midlands means one really, really, really hard thing. I'm done with softball. I never thought it would come down to this. I use to cry to my Daddy saying I'd play both sports forever. That was before I committed myself to school volleyball, school softball, club volleyball, travel softball. It's a lot, it's expensive. I've been really selfish. My parents love seeing my brother and me involved in sports. I never thought about how much it all added up; driving to practices, games, tournaments, buying t-shirts, staying in hotels, uniforms, wages- gosh. I hope I'm making the right decision, no going back now....

OH- I'm the BEST big sister, ever! I've been talking to Blake Cooper a lot lately and tonight he told me he's now doing pitching lessons at Carolina. So guess who's talked her Daddy into getting them for her brother? This girl! John has no clue yet, I can't wait to see the look on his face.

"Open the gates, that the righteous nation may enter; the one which keeps faith." -Isaiah 26

xoxo, cb!

Tell me what you want to hear, something that were like those years, i'm sick of all the insincere. so i'm gonna give all my secrets away."

The Motions - Matthew West

-So I woke up at 6 this morning to work a yard sale after being in Sumter all last night. YAY! I was watching CNN's little morning talk show and USC is now offering a class all about the art and sociology behind Lady Gaga. Naturally you would assume that since this was a national broadcast 'USC' would be the University of Southern California, not our gamecocks... but no. THE University of South Carolina right here in Columbia is now offering a class on Lady Gaga. I went to the website- it sounds a little... unconventional. But what do you expect? It's Lady Gaga. Here's the link for all you future 'monsters.' <-- click. (:

10 Day Challenge.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

Day Ten: One confession.

Oh boy, well- one confession, here we go. I wasted almost 14 months on one person. The June before my freshmen year I met somebody who was unlike anyone else. I wish I could put into words what I thought, how I felt... but I can't. It wasn't easy, it wasn't right, and it was meant to be. I was young and stupid. I know that probably sounds stupid because that was only about a year and a half ago, but it's true. I've come a long way since then. I fell for someone completely wrong, I argued with my parents, argued with my friends, his friends, everybody. I tried to stick up for what I believed in. I was doing a good job, until I found out what I believed in was wrong. I don't want to degrade this person, but we are two completely different people. I have extremely high and successful expectations between now and college. I have a plan that I want to follow through on, and this person doesn't exactly have a plan. They go by day to day and act like they have all the time in the world to get everything together. Granted we were off and on, but he messed up relationships for me my freshmen year. At one point I tried to let somebody in, and everything was beyond amazing, until that one person came back in the picture. Then I had to lie my way out of so much and hurt this one amazing guy. It killed me, but I did it. Then this July I realized I needed to put my focus on school and volleyball. I didn't need to put forth time and effort into someone my parents didn't like and who was going to college 45 minutes away. No, no, no. We argued, we fought, I ended it. ..completely. It hurt, I didn't think I was doing the right thing. But I did. Life is honestly- easier. It's great. I got focused and serious on the important things: God, Family, and Friends.

Personal enough?

"But i'm a million different people from one day to the next."

This blog is kind of going to be all about personalities...

I'm not nervous or scared today, I'm EXCITED.

I love Fridays, I love being happy, I love not stressing, I love watching Football, I love getting to be myself.

Instead of telling about what goes on in my classes, I'll tell you who I am in my classes. If that makes sense.

First Block- I'm the girl who cares, but tries not to care too much. I try to forget about this class for the other 22 hours and 30 minutes I can.

Second Block- I'm the quiet little good girl who sits at the front of the class and takes her notes. Even though I look like I understand everything, but that is SO far from true.

Third Block- I try to stay busy. I try to meet every deadline. I want to learn everything I can, and impress the editors. I'm not sure if I always do. I love being on staff though. I'll always be a journalism nerd, hahah.

Fourth Block- I'm the girl everyone jokes around with. I talk to everyone and act like I'm the worst artist in the world. I make good grades and try to understand everything. Art is the hardest class I've probably taken to date. I wish I was more artistic....

___

I'll add more later, I'm just bored in Mrs. White's.

PS- FRESHMEN, we know Facebook is unblocked.

10 Day Challenge.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now

:D :b

________

Updaaaaate! (11:49pm)

REGION CHAMPS!

Not only did our boys defeat Sumter, they beat the refs too! It was SO cold, but SO worth it. It's nights like these I love a small town, I love everyone coming out to Sumter to represent the ole' red and blue. If you think about it too hard, you'll get emotional. No matter how bad things get, we are LUCKY as a community to be as together and and as close as we are. I mean- what a great story.... First years as 4A, coming in as the underdogs losing three straight non conference games, then going in and dominating your region?! ..only us!

As you can tell today got lotssss better. Classes went by easily and fast, yay! ..and I got to see Tripp for the first time in forever. He makes everything 9392328x better, i swear.

I'm in such a great mood right now, (:

..even though i have to wake up at like 5 to work a yard sale.........

I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious.

Vince Lombardi

"But, I believe in you so much I could die for the words that you say"

10 Day Challenge.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

1) remembering important dates

2) hugs from behind

3) kissing my forehead, (:

Today was rainy, gloomy, and everyone felt sick. I spent my entire day being nervous for something that never happened....

On the upside, I tore up my art test! hellllller hundred! I also got a lot done in yearbook, kinda'. Second block was just sooooo long, at least first block went by fast. Yeah- I just said alla' dat backwards too... whoooooops.

Well, my brother's game is cancelled, soooo maybe I'll go to the 9th grade/jv game?! hmm...

"I have this connection with him, though he doesn't see it. It's like I turn around without a reason I can think of and he's either passing by or is standing nearby. I can pick him out of a crowd of over a hundred almost instantly sometimes. It's almost as if I can feel his presence." -My So-called Life

(this quote makes me laugh, it's cute.)

_____________

WEEZY IS FREE! WEEZY IS FREE! WEEZY IS FREE! holllllla'!

"that love could kill the pain, truth is never vain."

I feel sick, my head hurts. I've barely eaten everything. People gave me so much shit today. Please just mind to your own business. blahhhhh.

"You always could make me laugh, you listened to my pain...you turned my nights into sunshine, when my days had often been rain."

10 Day Challenge.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

1- acting like a middle schooler

2- disgusting behavior

3- no hygiene

4- acting obnoxious

-i felt like adding a little facebook survey, to kill time..

hello dear, can i have your full name?

colleen ann bradley.

type the alphabet and stop at the letter of the last person you kissed.

a, b.. ta'da'.

who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

tripp.

would you consider your parents to be strict?

yes. yes. yes.

have you ever tackled someone to the ground?

kayla carraway, haa.

what was the last thing you wore that was black?

sweatpants?

have you kissed anyone with the name starting with a j?

yes.

what happened a year ago in this month?

i turned 15.

what’s the last thing that went into your mouth?

water, the only thing i've eaten today were sour straws.

when was the last time you laughed really hard that you cried? and why?

probably yesterday at the spaghetti supper.

do you have a mirror in your room?

yep.

how about a tv?

no! ..i barely watch tv, unless it's like the news in the morning or mtv late at night.

would you hug the last person you hugged again?

yes.

can you be your complete self around the person you like?

yeah- i am.

do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?

well, it wouldn't be a first, so yeah.

where is the one boy and girl you want to see the most right now?

boy- football practice. girl- at camden. :(

do you wish someone was with you right now?

mhmmmm.

told your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else?

yess, haa.

first place you went this morning?

to brush my teeeeeth.

what if the last person you texted told you they had feelings for you?

uh- well, i kinda' hope they do. haah

do you have clothes that are not yours?

yes, a lot. whoops.

who is the first person you would call if you needed help?

my parents, or if it was bad trouble i couldn't tell them about.. probably kayla.

who was the last person to touch your stomach besides you?

case? haa

what do you look like right now?

..a mess.

cried recently?

i want to cry right now, blaaaah.

do you find it weird that some people brush their teeth in the shower?

nah- i've done it.

will you be in a relationship 1 month from right now?

there's a pretty good chance, yes. (:

did you have a valentine for last valentines day?

let's notttt go there.

have you gotten close to anyone recently?

yeeeees.

have you ever liked someone older than you?

always, haa.

finish this sentence… the last person i kissed…

is completely cut out from my life.

name something you cannot wait for?

tomorrow after ssr, friday.

is the last person you hugged taller than you?

yeeeeep, (:

miss anyone?

yessss.

who is your last text from?

tripp.

do you tend to fall for players?

depends on who you ask.. haa.

do you think anyone has feelings for you?

yes.

do you have feelings for anyone?

yes.

when is the next time you will see any of your siblings?

in a few minutes.

do you like to hold hands?

yes! ...so cute.

do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

hey, hey- bff clay!

do you want to be single?

No, I like where I am. (:

what are you currently listening to?

Michael Buble'!

do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?

haa- sure!

what were you doing at 12 am last night?

sleeping..

what’s in your wallet?

money?

what is bothering you right now?

i don't feel good.

does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?

yes.

who’s bed were you last in?

mine.

where is the last person you kissed at this moment?

i wouldn't know.

do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with?

heck no.