"the stars are fading out, my dreams are fading now."

It's only November and I'm already stressing about what classes to take next year. Someone PLEASE tell me how I am supposed to fit all of these core classes, Yearbook, Spanish, Art 2, ATEC, and Central into my schedule for the next two years?! Ugh- Even though ATEC would look so great, I think I am going to drop that and take my Spanish and History classes online. At the beginning of freshmen year last year, someone who was like a best friend told me to work my butt off all through out high school and my senior year would be the easiest thing ever. Well, he also told me he wouldn't forget me even if he'd be attending Anderson University this year.... Well, Ward Yount- where are you? I miss you.

I wish club volleyball would hurry up and get here. We don't even start till December and I can already tell I'm getting lazy and we already owe like $400, haa. The best thing about it though? It gives me a chance to get away from everything. I'm honestly kind of nervous, being on a team with a bunch of people I don't know... At least I have Lindsey, looks like we're going to have lots of bonding time this season!

I don't like my mom being gone so much now, I understand why she is doing what she's doing, but eventually it's going to effect her 4-year-old daughter. It already has. It effects me. It's hard to play mommy at night and give Emma-Claire baths, feed her, get her ready for school, put her to bed and on top of all of that doing what I have to do for school and etcetera. I'm trying, but I'm at my breaking point. My grades are good, thank god- but I can't keep doing all of this and not try to act like things aren't changing and I'm not a teenager with my own problems. Honestly right now, I want to be so selfish. I want to enjoy every ounce of my weekend, forget about school, and just go be with my boyfriend who probably thinks I neglect him because of everything that's going on. I'm SO thankful for everyone who sticks by my side; the people who watch me freak out when I make mistakes on sketches, the people who watch me stress over deadlines, the family that is always trying to be there and support me, the teammates who wouldn't let me give up volleyball, the boyfriend who does all the little things, the little sister who is my every ounce of motivation.

Time is going by so fast, I wish I could freeze it and actually enjoy it.

I long for your embrace
Every single day
To meet you in this place
And see you face to face

- Here With Me